Self-Care is The New Thing, but How Do You Actually Practice It?
If you’ve been paying attention, you’ve probably heard of someone talking about self-care, or read about popular activities for self-care. Self-care has become one of those buzzwords that we don’t quite understand. In the current times, we like to encourage people to do self-care, without really explaining what it is. Sometimes, we give very specific activities and strategies, as if it is a simple task to check off your list, and other times we talk about it in such a one-size-fits all approach that it gets demoralizing when that recommendation does not fit.
Before I proceed on how to holistically incorporate self-care into lifestyle, I want to point out what self-care is, and what it isn’t. Self-care is the practice of caring for one’s self. It involves being mindful of one’s physical, mental and spiritual health. It is the recognition that a person’s strengths and capabilities are finite, and deserve to be protected by firm boundaries. Self-care can be a practice, multiple practices, or a continuous way of life. Self-care is not a form of selfishness that consciously puts you in harm’s way. It is not neglecting of one’s duties and responsibilities at the detriment of others. Above all, self-care is not something that you do once and achieve perfection at.
Recognize what self-care means for you. Before you even proceed to identify self-care strategies, you may first want to define for yourself what self-care is. For some, self-care may mean putting their interests ahead of others, and for other people self-care may be the opposite. Various definitions of that term are so frequently thrown around in the media that it can feel forced, and particular burdensome. It can be so rewarding to simply take the time to assess what self-care means for you, and then move into the process of identifying self-care strategies.
One of the most important ways to practice self-care is learning to set boundaries. In a society where we are pushed to be people-pleasers, it can get so difficult to say no to others or turn others down. We are made to feel bad about having boundaries, but honestly, it is the best thing you can do for your mental health! Boundaries don’t have to be unyielding; you can always adjust them based on what is happening and what you need. Setting boundaries can be as simple as saying no to having people over on a work night, or declining to take on more duties at work when your schedule fills up. It could also be the other way around, where we say yes to others support and nourish us!
Notice when you need to be in communion with others, and when you need to separate. As social beings, it can sometimes get difficult to recognize when we need to separate from others so we can get rest. We may get messages that it is always good to stay in constant connection with others, and that we heal by being in communion with others. However, it can also sometimes be healing to separate from others, especially if you easy become exhausted from constant social interactions. As an introvert, I know that my weekends alone are essential to me recharging after a long week. For some people, staying in connection with close friends and family can be quite soothing, especially in moments of high stress. However, for others, unplugging from these connections can be a helpful self-care strategy.
Extend grace to yourself, like you would to others. Often times, we are able to cut others some slack and empathize when they struggle. unfortunately, we are much harder on ourselves and beat ourselves down for struggling or feeling tired. Self-compassion is integral to self-care; we are able to care for ourselves if we can give ourselves grace for needing care. It may sound super easy, but it is not. It’s easy to beat ourselves down, criticize ourselves, and command ourselves to “do better” without pausing to think that maybe, we deserve to sit down and rest. Self-compassion involves the realization that we are doing the best we can, owe it ourselves to be kind, and recognize when we need to take in a deep breath and recharge without feeling guilty about it.
Don’t worry if your self-care doesn’t look like others’, as long as it works for you. In the age of social media and everyone seemingly living their best lives, it can be super difficult not to compare our progress with others! I mean, all it takes is a simple click of the button, and down the rabbit hole we go. Thankfully, self-care is not a race and there is not a single right way of doing it. What works for others may not work for you, and that is okay. You may need for time to care for yourself than others do, and that is perfectly fine. Once you have found a strategy that works for you, focus on that and indulge in your self-care. You are unique, and as long as your self-care works and does not cause you long-term harm and distress, then go for it!
