Imposter Syndrome…Because Who Doesn't Have It?
I remember feeling like such a fraud during my first year of graduate school. I was just a year out of college, had moved to a completely new state, and was truly a fish out of water! To top it off, I was teaching introductory psychology to freshmen and sophomores, who were probably looking up to me as a psychology expert!
According to the Wikipedia.com, imposter syndrome is a psychological pattern of repeatedly doubting one’s abilities and feeling like a fraud (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome ). Imposter syndrome is that awful feeling you get in your stomach that others will soon realize you aren’t as qualified. Sometimes, it’s the nagging thought about whether you actually know stuff or you’re just faking it. Unfortunately, imposter syndrome is disproportionately experienced by highly achieving individuals, particularly those from marginalized communities. Like my therapist once told me, you’re more likely to experience imposter syndrome if you care about how well you do. For people from marginalized communities, the prejudice and pressures from society sometimes make it difficult to separate our own doubts from those imposed on us by others.
Throughout my graduate career, I have had to identify creative ways to manage my imposter syndrome. Initially, my goal was to completely get rid of it, but now, I have come to realize that I can only manage it, not get rid of it completely. I have had to combine to several strategies of self-compassion, positive self-talk and relying on supportive community to manage the near-constant voice at the back of my mind trying to convince me that I’m a fraud.
Self-compassion is one of those funny words I used to throw around but didn’t really understand. As I grow in my professional identity, I have come to define self-compassion as the ability to treat myself as my own best friend. I am intentional about the thoughts I have about myself, the feelings I direct towards myself, and the voice through which I speak with myself. What I wouldn’t say to a close friend or loved one, I work very hard not to say to myself. Through self-compassion, I am learning to recognize that the doubting voice in my head is not me. Sure, it is coming from inside of my brain, but the doubtful thoughts are not me. With this understanding, I am able to counter the thoughts, be gracious with myself and separate myself from those negative thoughts that aim to stifle my progress.
Through self-compassion, I also allow myself to self-sooth when those nagging thoughts begin to creep up. Trust me, they creep up multiple times a day, or when someone compliments my work! Self-soothing is the process/practice of treating ourselves to feelings of betterment so we can move forward past negatively. It’s kind of like when babies cry themselves to sleep when they’re upset or uncomfortable. In addition to sometimes crying (yes, I do this too!) I allow myself to have treats, watch nice movies, go for walks, and check in with close friends when the feelings of imposter syndrome become overwhelming It’s nice to be able to do nice for yourself when you’re doubting your own potential and accomplishments,
When I first began practicing positive self-talk, I thought it was the most awkward thing to do. I would cringe whenever I repeated kind and positive attributes to myself, as if what I was doing was wrong and icky. As time went on, I realized that the positive self-talk was one of the few practices that actually allowed me to interrupt my negative thoughts and counter my feelings of being an imposter. Reminding myself almost daily that I did deserve to be in my doctoral program was helpful in silencing that pesky little voice trying to convince me that I wasn’t. Telling myself repeatedly that I was indeed qualified to be teaching and conducting research allowed me to enjoy these activities more, and also improve my skills. It’s honestly quite strange what a few simple words, said over and over again, can do for your imposter syndrome!
It’s certainly not lost on me that certain groups of people experience imposter syndrome at higher rates. As a Black immigrant woman, I’m frightfully aware of the stereotypes that others may carry about my identities, and the prejudice that is birthed out from these stereotypes. I have had experiences where others have doubted my competence, presence and ability to succeed based on my identities. In these situations, my imposter syndrome has shot through the roof, and speaking to other Black women about my experiences and reactions was the most helpful. There is only so much we can do as individuals; building supportive communities around our various identities is crucial and can serve as a life boat when we feel like we’re drowning.
Whatever strategy that you find to be helpful in managing your imposter syndrome, keep doing it until it no longer works. Then, try other things and find new ways to cope. Allow yourself to speak to others and lean on your community. Remind yourself that you’re not alone in your experience; many other people have these thoughts as well! As my therapist said once said to me, “if you’re worried about how well you’re doing, then you’re probably on the right path anyway!”.
